back to 2005

iseng g baca2 lagi blog g di friendster, n nemuin tulisan ini:
*created on 31th October'05*

yahoo net cafe @ blakang mataram mall...

today, i practically have nothing special to do, except ikutan komsel pemuda gabungan @ 7p.m di ruko. so, here i am, checking emails...menghabiskan banyak waktu ngider2 d mal sini bikin g rada takjub gimana antu'ny masyarakat mataram--terutama yang muda2--u/ rame2 latah 'menghias diri' untuk bisa skedar gaya di hari lebaran. hampir smua shopping sites rame...ngebludak...mal yang notabene ga tlalu gede jadi makin mirip pasar impres. g phatiin, slaen toko2 baju, tempat nomor dua yang paling banyak diserbu adalah gerai2 handphone. kalau liat gaya parahnya gaya konsumtif mereka, rasanya ga percaya kalo dibilang indonesia lagi ngalamin krisis kemiskinan nasional. fyi, ga cuma mereka yang memang tinggal di mataram, ampenan, or cakra aj yang niat belanja2. mereka yang tinggal jauh dari kota--dari lombok tengah, barat, dan sgla penjuru--rame2 nyusrek ngubrek k sini.

pagi tadi, g sempet denger'in interview aa.gym tentang overacting. well, g rasa tingkat kegairahan kebanyakan orang untuk mnyambut dan mrayakan hari kemenangan Muslim ini dah bisa masuk dalam definisi overacting. gimana ga???? hanya untuk keliatan gaya, modis, mampu, n tajir mereka bela2in nguras dompet mereka untuk sesuatu yg mungkin mereka ga perluin. g jadi miris ngeliat dah jauhnya bergeser makna idul fitri yg sebenernya...jadi inget lagu enno lerian jaman dia mungil dulu:

"sepatu baru--alhamdullilah, tuk dipakai dihari raya, ga punya pun ga ap-ap, masih ada spatu yang lama...buat apa pesta2, kalau gagal puasanya, yang penting imannya pada Allah"...well, kurang lebih gitu d lagunya, rada ga inget lagi :)

g pikir, nabi Muhamad bisa uring2an di alamnya dia skarang kalo dia liat gaya para pengikutnya...sama kaya gemes and mirisnya Yesus tiap bulan Desember saat Dia liat pengikutNya lebih mentingin tatanan dandanan fisik, cari berbagai kartu2 lucu, ngabisin banyak waktu pilah-pilih ornamen pohon natal, dan sgala tetek bengek ga penting laennya, dibandingin sibuk n concern'nya mereka mnata hati dan milih respon n sikap hati yang bener untuk jadi ornamen hati.

Merry Early Xmas :)


2 taon stelah g nulis ini, g jd brasa sedih. see, g ga punya sikap hati yg sama yg Je temuin 2 taon lalu.

natal taon ini, g jadi neeta yg ky 'dead man walking'. my body is alive but my soul n spirit is dying down there... it's not that i havent done anything to make it better, it's just that i havent really done it passionately.

i wish things had been different. wish i could erase and skip Your process in me as along the process i've just become such a loser. i knew and still know that these things are good for me in being strong in You, i just sometimes wish that You are not that serious :-0

see, i still find me running away. i still find me not okey in heart n soul department. i still find me not making good right truthful decisions n actions, i still am struggling to follow You...

i learn, though, that these days, my relationship with You is not based merely on feelings and naive emotion. it's more based on my decisions. seems like the days when You can be felt emotionally is over, here comes the moments n level when it is my decision to love You -- not just that i feel i love You.

let my love is shown through my actions... let me speak my love out in my real action, JE...