18.07.2008 - FriDAY-

those who were in my station today (who made my already melting brain leaked more): ian, jayson,chris, patricia, and jason.

couldn't help but felt a little dehydrated (physically n spiritually. see, those little kids getting together in my station EQUALS headache n shout outs!!!!

on my way back here, while driving, i kept on thinking:

"what the heck is going on???"

"how can i hate (with big capital H, mind u) this thing that once i loved so much???"

"sjak kapan apa yg dulu g anggep blessing brubah jadi nightmare stiap pagi n musibah??"

"sjak kapan g mulai melihat apa yang g lakuin cuma sbatas jadi tmpat pencarian n pengumpulan rupiah n pnambahan rekening stiap bulan dan ga lagi sbagai tmpat pembelajaran g as a better educator??"

"kmana idealisme u/ mbentuk better generation?"

"kalo aja nandis tau bhwa alesan g nunda2 ke lombok mulai jadi alesan n xcuse yg bahkan g sendiri mulai ga percayai lagi!!!"

jawabannya, slalu mengarah ke satu hal yang g sdah tau dari dulu.

*******sejak g jadi "brengsek"*******

yup, sikap hati n motivasi g jadi bergeser sejak g jadi "brengsek".

kebrengsekan g lately:
1. ignore this hungry desire inside to get intimate with U
2. nabrak stiap warning2 yg g tau ga boleh g lakuin... bhkan stelah g berusaha u/ taat, blakangan (until now) g malah akhirnya mnyesali apa yang g dah putuskan. see, i'm a jerk!!! cant i just be consitent???!!!!!
3. failed to see the big picture

solusinya cm satu: "BACK TO THE HEART OF WORSHIP N SEE ALL THE THINGS I DO AS I DO THEM FOR U NOT FOR OTHERS OR EVEN ME"

let me be better next week, Je..

j'taime